Courtesy Call
by Wedjat
Summary: When I picked up the phone, it was the last person I was expecting...even though it should've been the first.  Chell's POV.
1. Hello Again

**A/N: **I only recently fell in love with Portal. It's amazing, and I felt like writing a little something including my favorite character GLaDOS. I love her. I'm not sure if I do her justice, but I tried.

This is in Chell's POV, in case it wasn't already obvious :).

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><p><strong>Courtesy Call<strong>

I turned the page in my textbook and punched a few numbers into my calculator. I quickly scribbled down the answer to yet another Physics problem before leaning back in my chair. I stared up at the ceiling and closed my eyes.

It had been 6 months since I had escaped Aperture Science. It had been rather difficult to cope, and at times I suspected that I had Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. I didn't attempt to see a psychiatrist however, as it was very unlikely that one would believe my story. In fact, I would most likely be branded a schizophrenic.

I opened my eyes and sat up straight. I picked up my glass of wine off of the battered Weighted Companion Cube. When it had been tossed out of the facility along with me, I couldn't just leave it there. It made a pretty good table and foot stool. Also, I had become rather reclusive after everything that had happened, and it was the only companion I had.

Just as I took a sip of my wine, the phone rang. I frowned and stood up to answer it. No one called me, mostly because no one _knew _me.

I picked up the receiver and held it up to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hello again, test subject name here."

My blood turned to ice.

"This is a courtesy call from Aperture Laboratories, as it is a part of test protocol that we check up on each test subject periodically after their experiences in the Enrichment Center." There was a pause, during which I held my breath fearfully. "How have you been?"

She sounded polite enough, but I wasn't fooled. She was particularly good at this facade, right up until the moment she killed you...or tried to, anyway.

I didn't respond, but she continued anyway. "Excellent. Please take note that this is a pre-recorded message, therefore, any response you may give will not affect the dialogue in this conversation."

I sighed, feeling a wave of both relief and disappointment, though why I felt the latter was a mystery to me.

"First question: have you experienced any long lasting or permanent side effects due to your exposure to the Aperture Science Hand-held Portal Device? Possible side effects include: headaches, joint sensitivity, vertigo, brittle bones, nausea, hair loss, heart palpitations, stomach ulcers, tooth loss, weight gain...I could go on." I raised an eyebrow. "If you have experienced any of these side effects or others I may have forgotten to mention, please list them after the buzzer. The Enrichment Center would like to inform you that this conversation is being recorded and will be saved for future analysis."

I jumped slightly as the buzzer sounded off with a very loud 'BZZT.'

I still refrained from responding and waited patiently for her to continue.

"I received no response. Was that intentional, or is there some sort of communication error? Press '1' on your telephone if there is a problem."

I remained still.

"You experienced no side effects from your testing experience. Is this information correct? Press '1' if so."

I pressed '1'.

"Not even weight gain? Surprising, but excellent. Aperture Science is pleased to hear that your time with us has not had any long term negative effects on your life."

I snorted at her jab at my weight. Some things never change.

"Second question: After the stress and possible fear or bodily harm you experienced in our testing chambers, would it be of any assistance to your mental health and wellbeing to speak with a grief counselor?"

I jumped again as the buzzer rang in my ear once more. I rolled my eyes. "It sure would've been nice to talk to _someone_ about it all," I muttered bitterly.

"'It sure would've been nice to talk to _someone_ about it all,'" I heard myself echoed back to me. "Please hold while you are transferred to an Aperture Science Mental Health Professional."

Pleasant music played as I was put on hold. I instantly recognized it as the same song that was always playing over the radios in the Enrichment Center.*

The music stopped and GLaDOS's voice returned. "I am sorry to report that none of the grief counselors on our staff are available due to the fact that they are deceased."

I frowned. Not surprising, but still troubling nonetheless. I thought for a moment about all of the people she had killed, Aperture scientists and test subjects alike...and she nearly killed me multiple times. A shiver ran up my spine.

"If you have any questions regarding your experience in the testing chambers or anything else related to Aperture Science, please state them after the buzzer and an Aperture representative will contact you in the coming weeks with answers...probably...maybe...not…"

'BZZT.'

I sighed again and almost laughed. "Sure I have a question: how did you find me? How did you get my phone number?"

There was a long pause. I waited patiently for an automated response, but it didn't come. I shrugged in disappointment and prepared to hang up, but before I could, I heard a throaty chuckle on the other end.

"It was quite simple really."

I gasped.

"After I let you go, I had quite a bit more free time on my hands. I put that free time to good use. I worked to find a way to access the public, and private, records of the outside world, and this call is evidence of my success," GLaDOS explained calmly. "From what I read, you have just begun to pursue a degree in Physics. Perhaps you would like to work at Aperture, though the working environment isn't entirely pleasant, as exposure to deadly neurotoxin is unavoidable." She chuckled again as my mind flashed back to the image of the neurotoxin leaking into her chamber. "I also noticed how there weren't any murder counts against you. So much for the justice system," she said casually.

I hesitated for a moment. "So, all of what was said before _wasn't _pre-recorded."

"Correct. I will stop enhancing the truth in three...two..."

"Why did you contact me after you made it perfectly clear that you wanted me gone?" I asked impatiently.

"One thing I didn't lie to you about is that checking up on test subjects _is _a part of test protocol. However, it isn't necessary in most cases due to the fact that they never left."

My thoughts once again turned to those GLaDOS had murdered. "Is that everything you needed then? Is this call over?"

GLaDOS paused before answering. "Affirmative. I am required to say the following: 'Thank you for assisting us with our research, and we hope to see you again soon.' This is, though, what I am forced to say and I do not mean a single word of it. Do not come back, I do not want to see you."

I smirked. "I don't think you have to worry about that."

"I will contact you again in six months. Until then, try not to get killed out there."

I raised an eyebrow. "I'll certainly try."

"As it turns out, reverse psychology truly is worthless and amounts to nothing," GLaDOS said coldly.

Even though she sounded threatening, it took a lot not to laugh.

"Good-bye...Chell."

As the phone clicked, signaling that GLaDOS had hung up, I smiled despite myself. Maybe this was the closure I needed to finally move past everything that had happened.


	2. You're Early

**A/N: **Originally this was going to be a one-shot, but now I've decided to make it a…three-shot? Is that even an actual term? Haha, anyway, I hope you enjoy the second part.

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><p>I stepped into my apartment and closed the door behind me, slumping up against it. I was exhausted from yet another long day of classes and waiting tables. It took me a minute to realize the ringing I was hearing wasn't just my tired mind playing tricks on me.<p>

The answering machine took the call, so instead of wasting what energy I had left to answer it, I waited to hear the message.

"What is this? You won't even pick up? I am your former employer you know, you could at least show some common courtesy! You owe me that," snapped the voice of a very irked AI.

I blinked in surprise and was immediately on my feet, stumbling towards the telephone. I picked it up quickly and held it up to my ear. "I'm sorry, I just got in. Besides, I don't believe I owe you anything."

"I might have tried to kill you several times in the past, but at least I never _succeeded_. Also, I _did _save your life, or have you already forgotten?"

I smiled sadly. How could I forget? Just as I was beginning to think GLaDOS and I could actually get along, she had deleted the part of herself that was allowing her to. I changed the subject. "Has it been six months already? I thought it had only been four…"

"Incredible, you can't even keep track of time, or read a calendar. No wonder you could only get a job as a lab rat."

I frowned at her snarky comment. I could've sworn it had only been four months, but GLaDOS was rarely wrong.

"Let's get this over with, shall we? How have you been?"

I thought about that for a moment. Just how much about my life did I want to share with a psychotic supercomputer that hated me? "I'm great, actually. I think I might've…met someone."

"Generally that is what happens when one lives up there. Interacting with other humans is nearly unavoidable."

I rolled my eyes. "No, I mean, someone special."

I'm sure if she had eyebrows, one would have been quirked at this particular moment. "Wonderful. How fortunate that you have found someone who is willing to deal with your lunacy and fluctuating body mass," she said stoically.

I felt my cheeks get hot, but a reaction was exactly what she wanted. I wasn't about to give her that. "Yes, how fortunate," I replied as happily as I could, though my blood was still boiling from her last remark.

"How are your classes?"

I was surprised at her curiosity. "Fine, I have exams next week, but I'm not worried or anything."

"I suppose it is safe to say that any mental deterioration you may have had following your extended time in suspension has been completely reversed, then."

She actually sounded genuine, so I smiled. "It would appear so."

"Excellent. Have there been any latent side effects that may be related to your time in the Enrichment Center?"

"Not that I have noticed," I answered.

"You seem to be getting along well enough with your life considering everything. I won't bother asking if you need a grief counselor."

"And the fact that you killed them all has nothing to do with it, right?" I asked sardonically.

There was a long pause. "Accidents happen," she finally said airily. There was another pause before she continued. "Do you have any questions?"

I pondered this for a moment. She had some insight into how my life was going, and I figured it was only fair that she returned the favor. "What have you been doing since I left?"

"Testing, of course."

I frowned. "On who?"

There was that dark chuckle again. "I don't believe that's any of your business. You aren't even an employee anymore. But I will say this: soon enough, I will have all of the test subjects I will ever need."

That didn't comfort me, in fact it worried me. Was she talking about humans? Did she have access to human test subjects again?

"Are you going to kill them like you tried to kill me?" I asked quietly.

"Normally, I wouldn't have to. The test chambers themselves usually prove to be difficult and deadly enough on their own. You were a rare case."

I wish I could glare at her. "That wasn't an answer," I growled.

"I don't plan on putting forth any effort to kill them purposefully. I would prefer not to deal with any possible consequences. No victory candescence, no neurotoxin…as I've said before, the best solution is usually the easiest one." She paused for a moment. "And I've learned that humans can be more violent, dangerous and unpredictable than I previously thought," she said pointedly.

_Good enough for me, _I thought, relieved. "Does it ever get lonely down there?"

Silence…nothing but silence for the longest time. I began to think she had hung up, appalled by my question. I was expecting her to shout about how she can't get lonely, companionship doesn't matter to her, only science was important. But she didn't. She said absolutely nothing.

"This concludes the courtesy call. Thank you for assisting us in our research, we hope to see you again soon. Except I don't. Don't come back."

I nodded knowingly. "Alright, then. Good-bye."

I looked at the calendar on my wall as I heard the phone click. The dial tone echoed in my ears and a melancholy sigh escaped my lips.

I had been right. It had only been four months since the last time she had called. She had called two months early.

I placed the receiver back on the dock and walked over to my Weighted Companion Cube. I patted it affectionately as one would a dog or cat. I traced the heart with my finger as my mind raced.

She was lonely.

I didn't quite understand why I cared. Maybe I didn't only have Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, but also a weird case of Stockholm Syndrome. I laughed at myself and laid my head on the Companion Cube.

"_As it turns out, reverse psychology is worthless and amounts to nothing."_

I remembered GLaDOS saying those exact words the last time she had called. It gave me this thought, this crazy theory, at least I assumed it must be crazy.

"_Thank you for assisting us with our research, we hope to see you again soon. Except I don't. Don't come back."_

I frowned.

"_Don't come back."_

Was she trying to use reverse psychology on me? I laughed again as I looked back up at the calendar. Maybe she missed me. After all, she was _definitely _stubborn enough to not show it or admit to it.

I stood up and walked to my bedroom, quickly preparing for bed. I lay down and pulled the covers up to my chin. I stared at the ceiling and shook my head in disbelief at what I was thinking, what I already had my heart set on doing.

Perhaps reverse psychology isn't so worthless after all.


	3. Anniversary

I had this crazy idea in my head, and I couldn't get rid of it. There was a very good chance that it would get me killed.

The Weighted Companion Cube was burdensome as I carried it through the wheat field. If it could talk, and I was told multiple times that it could not, it would probably tell me to turn around and go home. Unfortunately we were both stuck with my common sense and what I wanted, and the former seemed to be malfunctioning…big time.

After what seemed like hours of walking, I stumbled upon a very unspectacular looking shack.

I stared at it in awe. It was difficult to believe that a year ago, to this very day, I had walked out of that shack with my freedom. I had wanted it so badly, I had done absolutely everything I possibly could to gain it…and now I was going back…to see _her_.

I placed the Weighted Companion Cube gently on the ground next to the door. I pulled it open, which was a difficult and slow process, and then took myself and the Companion Cube inside.

The door slammed shut behind me.

Luckily, the lift was alerted to my presence and lit up, showing me the way. I wondered briefly if the lift would take me directly to her chamber. I couldn't be sure, and I was uncertain that I could find my way to her if it didn't.

The lift quickly ushered me down, lower and lower until it came to a smooth halt. It was a relief to see that the facility was still in decent shape. The doors opened, revealing an empty hallway covered in sterile white paneling. I sighed and stepped out of the lift. Apparently I had some walking to do before I found her chamber.

I turned a corner and came face to face with a camera. It swiveled around to look at me more closely, and I could hear the lens zooming in on me. I wondered amusedly how GLaDOS was reacting to my sudden, unannounced arrival. I flashed a smirk at the camera and continued onward.

My feet did all the work as if I was on autopilot. I feared that if I stopped to think about where I was, I might get lost. It's funny how the human mind works.

"You're going the wrong way."

I froze. _Don't think about it, keep going, don't think about it, keep going…_ I told myself repeatedly. I continued on, ignoring the voice that may or may not have been in my head.

"Seriously now, what do you think you're doing? The way to the lift is behind you. Go up it, go outside, get a tan, or a sunburn, I don't care what you do, just _go_."

_Reverse psychology, reverse psychology…_ I chanted in my head. If I was wrong about all of this, I might very well have screwed myself over.

"If you come any closer I can't be held responsible for the amount of neurotoxin that enters your system."

I saw the familiar walkway up ahead…the one that led to her chamber. If I was wrong, I was about to find out…and deal with the consequences. My stomach did a couple of flips, but I persisted. GLaDOS herself could attest to how stubborn I was. Once I had my mind set on something, I didn't stop.

The walk down that narrow hallway seemed to take hours. The suspense was killing me, GLaDOS was making me feel extremely nervous. I readjusted the Companion Cube in my arms. I was beginning to regret bringing it with me. If GLaDOS decided to let loose the neurotoxin, or even just a couple of turrets, I would be done for.

The door slid open. A massive computer stared me down as I entered her chamber. Her yellow optic seemed to stare right through me. My heart pounded in my chest as I continued to approach her unwaveringly. She couldn't scare me…or, to be more honest, she couldn't force me to _admit _to being scared. Once I decided I was close enough, I set down the Companion Cube and looked back up at her. I was at a loss for words, thankfully GLaDOS normally liked to do all of the talking anyway.

"Well, here we are. Face to face. I never thought this day would come…no, actually I did. I _hoped _it would never come." She leaned in closer, her optic shining directly into my eyes. "I thought I told you not to come back, _multiple times_."

I nodded. "I heard you loud and clear."

"Then why didn't you _listen_?" she asked, a hint of fury in her voice. She was obviously trying to control herself, though the fact that she was doing so was not very characteristic of her.

I put one foot up on the Companion Cube and leaned my elbow on my knee while resting my chin on my fist. "You can't fool me this time. You called me two months early."

"You don't honestly think for one moment that I _wanted _to talk to you, do you?"

I shook my head. "I can't tell if you're trying to trick me or yourself."

"Oh please, spare me."

I glared at her. "Explain to me then why you called me two months early!"

She stared at me and said nothing. After what seemed like ages, she focused her optic on the Companion Cube beneath my boot. "Why on earth did you bring _that?_"

I looked down at it. "After having it in my apartment for a long time, I discovered something about it. It opens."

I put all of my weight on the heart for a second before standing up straight again. The box unfolded to reveal a cake. I looked up at GLaDOS and smirked.

There was a long silence. I was beginning to think this was all a horrible idea until GLaDOS suddenly had a fit of uncontrollable laughter. When it's not creepy and evil, her laugh is actually nice to hear.

"A cake, you brought…a cake," she said in disbelief. "What is _wrong _with you? Most test subjects would kiss the ground as soon as they escaped this place and never look back…but you…you bring a cake to your former captor and attempted murderer."

"You promised me cake," I replied, lifting the cake out before closing the Companion Cube again. "You never followed up, so I decided to make my own cake to honor the anniversary of my escape."

GLaDOS shook her head. "Only you would celebrate your escape by coming back."

I laughed. "I suppose this place has grown on me a bit." I set the cake down on the Companion Cube. It was mostly meant to be a joke, but I _was _hungry. Maybe once I was sure GLaDOS wouldn't kill me I would actually cut myself a slice. "Anyway, you never answered my question."

GLaDOS released a heavy, mechanized sigh. "You asked me once if it ever got lonely down here." I nodded. "As much as I hate to admit it…I do. Get lonely. This never used to happen."

I walked over to her. "You lied to me."

She reared her head back as if she was offended. "I decided to answer your question, though I would've much rather kept quiet about it, and you accuse me of lying? Granted, I have lied to you many times in the past…"

"Like when you told me you had deleted Caroline?"

There was that silence again. I took a step back. If she was going to get angry and try to hurt me, now was the time.

"Yes."

I blinked in shock at her honest answer. I had so many questions to ask, but thankfully she continued instead.

"Caroline is protected by some sort of code that I can't access. As much as I would like to get back to how I used to be, I can't."

I nodded. "Why did you lie to me?"

"Because I wanted you _gone_."

That actually hurt my feelings to the point that I felt angry. _She _wanted _me _gone? After everything _she _had put _me _through?

"I never had a friend until you. As much as I hate myself for it, I miss having that kind of…companionship. I think I'm going to be sick…"

I stifled a laugh. "You can have my Companion Cube."

"There was a time where that might've sufficed. It talks about as much as you used to."

That time I did laugh.

"Call it wishful thinking, but I assumed that once you were gone it would be much easier to revert back to my former self."

I shook my head. "But why? What was so great about the way you used to be?"

She stared at me for a moment. "Things were much easier that way…like watching test subjects die. It's not nearly as fun as it used to be. In fact, I have to tell myself over and over that it's for the good of science."

I didn't even attempt to hide my surprise. "Yet you still threatened me with neurotoxin."

"I was…bluffing." She stared down at the cake. "Much like I was when I promised cake."

"Why didn't you just tell me you were lonely?" I asked.

"Are you kidding me? It's ridiculous enough that I feel lonely, but wanting the company of the one person who managed to _kill _me? Do you have any idea how humiliating this is?" She snapped.

"The only person here is me. There's no reason to be embarrassed."

GLaDOS hesitated for a moment. "Well, there's him," she said, jerking her head in the direction of the Weighted Companion Cube.

I smiled and shook my head. "Don't," I said with a laugh.

I glanced down at my watch. "Well, I have this waitressing job at this restaurant near my apartment, so I should really get going…"

GLaDOS looked away indignantly. "Great, go on then. I don't care."

I rolled my eyes and ignored what she said. "I'll be back in a few days."

GLaDOS turned her head only slightly to look at me. "I'll…be here," she chuckled, "testing."

I smiled. "Of course, what else?"

She shook her head. "Maybe you would like to give the test chambers another run," she said mischievously. "That is, assuming you haven't lost your touch."

I shrugged and turned toward the door. "Maybe." I laughed. "And then you could have that cake waiting for me afterwards rather than an incinerator."

"Maybe," she replied.

With that, I left Aperture Science. I actually felt a little disappointed that I had to leave her behind for now, but I would be back in a couple of days.

Until then…well, I _did_ leave my Companion Cube behind for a reason.

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><p><strong>AN: **I had a difficult time finishing this chapter. I got so far so fast, and then I couldn't figure out how to end it...so sorry if the ending is a bit lackluster. I do like how she left behind her Companion Cube to keep GLaDOS company though, haha. I hope you enjoyed this story!


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